mt. bierstadt summit always overthinking it

climbing mt. bierstadt

This week, B and I are on vacation with my family in Colorado! We’re currently in Denver waiting for the rest of the family to arrive before we all head down to Crested Butte. B and I got here a few days early so we could have more time to visit Colorado. Two nights ago, we drove up Guanella Pass to go camping and climbing.

rekindling a fire 2 always overthinking it

The spot we camped in had a fire ring with a smoldering fire (um… dangerous) so B rekindled it. We made sure to put it out because hello, safety. Also, Smokey the Bear would be upset if we hadn’t.

rekindling a fire always overthinking it

I helped.

camp food can be good always overthinking it

B and I have been doing a lot of camping — and have mostly used it as an excuse to eat Top Ramen. But the other night, I was in the mood for real food. We bought crackers, goat cheese, smoked salmon and green olives from the new Whole Foods in Frisco and it was one of the best camp meals I’ve had in a long time.

view of mt. bierstadt from parking lot always overthinking it

The next morning, we woke up at 5 a.m. to climb Mt. Bierstadt.

mt. bierstadt always overthinking it

Mt. Bierstadt is a relatively easy climb, as far as 14ers go. There is some scrambling near the top, but other than that, the trail is well maintained and the views are pretty unbeatable.

view from mt. bierstadt always overthinking it

Like I said, the views are unbeatable.

mt. bierstadt summit always overthinking it

Somebody brought a sign with them and let us borrow it to take a picture.

mt. bierstadt summit view always overthinking it

Gypsy had fun and bagged her second 14er (her first was Mt. Elbert, the tallest 14er in Colorado).

mt. bierstadt wildflowers always overthinking it

Unfortunately, on my way down my knee started hurting. I figured it would, but didn’t care because I’m clearly a moron. I kept having to take stretch breaks. The wildflowers were so pretty, though, I didn’t mind.

The book that we had said Mt. Bierstadt was 9.7 miles, but our book is old so it might be less. We originally planned to hike Mt. Evans from Mt. Bierstadt (it’s only 1.4 miles extra), but the clouds were rolling in pretty fast, so we changed our mind. It started raining as soon as we got back to the parking lot, so I’m really glad we didn’t push on. If you live in the Denver area (or are visiting), I highly recommend this hike. If you can, I would recommend going on a weekday because we were there on a Monday and it was surprisingly crowded.

All and all, it was a pretty sweet way to start vacation.

PS: If I go missing, send out a search party. My family may have killed me.

MRI lost my hearing always overthinking it

that time i had an MRI and lost all my hearing

I had an MRI the other day and holy shit you guys, those things are LOUD. I’ve had knee problems since I was in junior high and though I went to a doctor and physical therapist when I was younger, nothing really helped and I’ve just sort of been suffering and trying to get by. I finally decided to go see a doctor since the last time I went to one for my knee was 14 years ago and I figured we’ve probably made some advances in the medical field I should take advantage of. The doctor I saw referred me to a place to go get an MRI and I was really excited. I’ve always wanted an MRI because I’m secretly convinced I have cancer and if I could get an MRI on a yearly basis, I would (most likely) be less crazy and paranoid. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that because I was only getting an MRI on my knees, I wouldn’t get a full body scan (plus, I don’t think the machine scanned anything else besides my legs. I’m still not sure how that worked). So I probably still have an undetected tumor and my hypochondriac plan failed. However. I’m kind of glad, because as I said before typing this whole rambly paragraph: MRIs are loud.

Before I went into the machine, the woman gave me some earplugs and said, “Here you go, the machine is kind of loud.” Then she left me alone to be stuffed into a machine that was so loud it sounded like I was at a rock dubstep concert to see a band consisting of two robots screaming at each other and a Mack truck honking into my ear. If you would like to re-enact this experience, put on some headphones and play rock music as loud as possible. Put a bucket over your head and hit the bucket with hammers at random intervals. Also, if you could have a goose scream at you when you aren’t expecting it, that would be ideal.

Every time the machine moved me further inside, the noise stops and then starts up again — and I would jump every time. Not only that, but directly above my head there is a sign that reads DO NOT LOOK AT LASER. I’m convinced I’m going to burn my eyeballs out because when I’m told not to do something, I immediately want to do it because I’m basically a five year old. Every time the machine stops, I peek and see if the technician has come to rescue me, then I see the sign about laser-burning and I squeeze my eyes shut again. After about 15 minutes of torture, I finally get to come out to do the other side. Yeah. The other side. Normally, the MRI would just do both knees at once, but apparently the place I went to is short on supplies so they have to switch legs and I have to do the whole thing all over again. When the technician comes back in to switch sides, I tell her, “Well that was mildly unpleasant.”

“Oh no, really? I’m sorry”
“It was just so LOUD.”
“OH! Do you want a pair of headphones to wear?”

UM. OF COURSE I WANT HEADPHONES TO WEAR, ARE YOU CRAZY??!

“Yeah, that would be awesome.”

The second time through was much more pleasant and the only thing missing from my robot rock concert was a beer. They should let you drink beer while getting an MRI. No wonder they asked me if I got claustrophobic. What they should’ve asked was, “Do you have an aversion to loud, repeating noises?” Although maybe they figured I’d be fine with the headphones.

Afterward, I texted my dad and asked him why he didn’t warn me about how loud MRIs were.

“Hmmm. I don’t remember mine being loud. Yours was probably busted.”

Gee, thanks dad.

Have you ever had an MRI? Was it loud? Or is my dad right, was mine busted?

the holiday breakup guide

holiday breakup guide always overthinking it

Courtesy of: Writing Prompts | Tumblr

I came across this graph that shows breakups and how they correlate to holidays, according to Facebook. After studying the graph, I’ve come to the following conclusions about what type of people break up with their significant others (or one-night stands) around these particular holidays.

Valentine’s Day
There are three type of people who break up with someone on Valentine’s Day.
1. You really like hair gel.
2. You made the mistake of hooking up with a Kelly-from-The-Office clinger.
3. You finally snapped after getting those gross boxes of chocolates from your boyfriend (AGAIN).

If you’re type one, you think you’re amazing but you’re actually a douche. If you’re type two, breaking it off was probably a good idea. If you’re type three, you have my deepest sympathies. Those boxes of chocolates are fucking gross.

Spring Break
Aww, sweetie pie. You think that you can do better and you don’t want to be tied down while you go party in Cancun and drink way too many margaritas. Not only are you going to come home with an STD from living the YOLO lifestyle, but you’re also going to go through life never being satisfied and you’ll die alone. You should take a good long look in the mirror and figure out how attractive you actually are — both inside and out — before you break up with the only person who will ever love you.

April Fool’s Day
You’re the type of person that doesn’t understand why nobody finds your sense of humor funny. You also either have a strange obsession with clowns, or you’re the type of person who does something really mean and then tries to pretend it was a joke the whole time, so nobody can get mad at you. Like breaking up with your girlfriend.

Mondays
You like making rash decisions and have mood swings that should probably be medicated. You probably drink too much and think that being drunk is an excuse to be an asshole. Basically, you’re a regular on Twitter.

Summer Holiday
Similar to a Spring Break Breaker Upper, you think you deserve better than you actually do. You thought you’d be more likely to get laid because you’ll be single for a longer period of time, but you failed to recognize that people on summer break are less desperate to get laid than a Spring Breaker. Basically, you’re not going to get laid and you’ll just have longer to realize how sad and pathetic you actually are. Sucks to be you.

Two Weeks Before Christmas
You’re clearly a genius because you recognized that Christmas was coming up and Christmas means presents and family, a horrible combination. You probably like drinking at this holiday and so do I, so maybe we should be friends. If you’re the person that hooked up with my ex-boyfriend that I dumped the day after Thanksgiving who was looking for a rebound and you’re now the one that has to break his heart (again), I’m truly sorry.

Christmas Day
Not only do you have no heart, but you’re also a moron. Most people just need someone else around on Christmas to distract from the fact that they’re going to have to hang out with family all. If you did happen to be dating the person that was expecting for Christmas to basically be the tryout to see how you’d fit in with their family, my apologies. However, you should’ve met their family and been charming and amazing, if only so you could have amazing sex with her later because she’d be so impressed by your family charms. Then, when you dumped her the day AFTER Christmas (so you could have amazing, drunken hook-up sex on New Year’s Eve with the type of girl who dresses up like a slutty nurse for Halloween), her entire family would think it was HER fault you dumped her. Not only that, but all of her future boyfriends would never be able to live up to your charm and you’d go down in history as “the one who got away.”

Either that or you could’ve taken the opportunity to hit on her drunk mom and found a new person to send dick pics to. What were you thinking, Christmas Day Dumper??

Have you ever been dumped (or dumped someone) on these holidays?

view of city from indian rock berkeley always overthinking it

out and about in berkeley

Most of the weekend was spent with my brother and sister in law, who live near Berkeley. They were nice enough to let us camp in their backyard and we explored their neighborhood with them.

tiger mural oakland always overthinking it

Friday night, we met them at a beer garden in Oakland. I’m kind of in love with this tiger mural.

brazilian beer garden berkeley always overthinking it

On Saturday, we went to another beer garden (I’m beginning to see a theme here) to watch the Netherland-Costa Rica soccer game. The beer garden has gigantic steins of beer. There were a ton of people watching the game (they had TVs in the beer garden) and the crowd was pretty rowdy. Later that night, we watched Mortified (a show where people read passages from their journals. It’s hilarious).

nuclear free zone sign berkeley always overthinking it

Sunday morning, we went for an adventurous neighborhood hike where we saw this comforting sign.

view of city from indian rock berkeley always overthinking it

We hiked up to Indian Rock, this gigantic rock (duh) where you can see incredible views of the city. Some people were having a picnic there and others were practicing their rockclimbing skills. The walk there included cutting through people’s neighborhoods via public stairs that were so old and made of rock that it felt like we were in a city in Europe. It was so cool!

old garage berkeley always overthinking it

This garage also made me feel like we were in Europe.

gigantic lemon berkeley always overthinking it

We passed a bunch of fruit trees on our walk, including a lemon tree. Lemonade, anyone?

deer in berkeley neighborhood always overthinking it

This deer got totally lost. As we walked closer to him (or her?), the deer bolted into some trees nearby.

After our epic walk that also included eating tacos at a park, we decided to get coconut sorbet, my sister in law’s favorite (she’s lactose intolerant). I’m not normally a fan of coconut (at least not the flakes; I love coconut milk), but this sorbet was amazing. I may or may not have licked my bowl.

How was your weekend? Did you do anything exciting?

mortified always overthinking it

mortified

I hope everyone who celebrated had a happy 4th of July! This weekend B and I visited friends and family in the San Francisco area. We camped in B’s brother’s backyard and while it was so much fun to catch up with his brother and sister in law, it was also amazing because they introduced us to this hilarious documentary called Mortified.

Have you heard of it? The movie is basically a documentary about these live shows (also called Mortified) being put on in cities all across the U.S. where people go on stage and read passages of their journals from when they were younger. The passages are hilarious! They ranged from things like having huge crushes on the cute boy/girl at school to being mad at their parents to struggling with the idea of being gay in a Christian household. Another woman read a story from when she was 10 and helping her mom with her new cleaning business. Mistaking the sounds coming from the upstairs as robbers, she and her mom walked in on their client having sex with two homeless women he’d met volunteering at the homeless shelter. Another guy ended each journal entry with what he wore and ate that day.

Not only do I want to go to a Mortified show, but I totally want to read at one. Would you read your journal aloud to strangers? I think it sounds kind of fun… am I totally crazy?

intersection bakersfield always overthinking it

a walk to see some trains in bakersfield

We’ve spent most of this week in Bakersfield, arriving Tuesday night. After spending nine hours in the car, we pulled up to the hotel at 6pm feeling grumpy, hangry and exhausted. After dinner, B asked if I wanted to take Gypsy for a walk. Wanting to stretch my legs after being in the car for so long, I grabbed my camera and we headed out. We made our way through the oppressive heat. It was 105 degrees Fahrenheit at 8pm. WTF Bakersfield? It was eerily quiet and still outside, similar to the stillness you feel right before a gigantic thunderstorm (if only we’d be so lucky).

empty train yard always overthinking it

B suggested heading to the train tracks a few blocks away to take some train photos.

the end sign alwayas overthinking it

I like signs.

train through fence always overthinking it

Staring at the trains through the chain-link fence made the train station feel even more abandoned and lonely that it already looked.

train tracks always overthinking it

I dug my flip-flops into the fence, my camera awkwardly balanced in one hand as I pulled myself up the fence with the other. I held myself up there for a second, the fence digging into my arms as I snapped a few quick photos. B immediately walked over to me and put his shoulder underneath my thigh and butt to help support me.

tower bakersfield always overthinking it

I also like towers. See the tiny moon in the bottom left?

water tower phoenix always overthinking it

This water tower photo is from our trip to Phoenix where I made that chevron canvas DIY a few weekends ago, but I didn’t share the photo earlier, so…

usa graffiti always overthinking it

I’m still sad USA lost to Belgium.

intersection bakersfield always overthinking it

On our walk back from the train station, I tried taking some photos of cars driving through the intersection to get that cool streaky light effect. I kept fiddling with the dials and settings on my camera, growing more and more frustrated when I couldn’t get the photo to turn out the way I wanted. It’s so much easier with a film camera to take a photo with the shutter open. I eventually gave up, deciding I needed to look at a manual rather than stand out in 105 degree heat at night, B and Gypsy melting beside me.

did you fart meme always overthinking it

So, we came back to our hotel room and I made Gypsy pose for me instead.

I hope you guys have a happy 4th of July (if you celebrate the holiday). Do you have any special plans? B and I are driving up to see his brother and our friend. We’re going to an Oakland A’s game on Friday, so I hope there will be some fireworks. What about you?

the dollhouse diet always overthinking it

the dollhouse diet

It’s officially bikini season and that means I’m on the hunt for the newest diet. But this year, I created my own: The Dollhouse Diet. The Dollhouse Diet will be the newest diet craze to sweep the nation. What’s this new soon-to-be-diet fad, you ask? It’s the cutest form of portion control you’ve ever seen. Everybody loves tiny things (insert penis joke here. Get it? I said insert). I mean, have you seen this video of a tiny hamster eating a tiny burrito?

Just look at that tiny carrot (see photo, above). It’s almost too cute to eat, right? On The Dollhouse Diet, you’ll get to eat tiny food ALL DAY. Your regular knife will cut that carrot into unsightly, mangled slices… not perfectly even, gorgeous, miniature slices. So, feel free to buy tiny knives, plates and cups fit for a dollhouse. OK, let’s talk about how the diet actually works.

Benefits of the diet:

Portion Control

Obviously, because the vegetables are so tiny, you will be forced to eat reasonable amounts of food. By the time you’ve carefully sliced your tomatoes, gingerly added miniature balls of mozzarella and specks of basil to your caprese salad, your stomach will have eaten itself and you’ll need less amounts of salad. Plus, in order to get entirely full, you’ll have to make approximately seven million caprese salads and ain’t nobody got time for that. You’ll probably call it quits around the 1,560th caprese salad and your dishwasher will thank you (since you’re the dishwasher, because your automatic dishwasher would lose all those tiny plates).

No Restrictions

You want a tiny banana split? Go for it? You want a cookie? Bake away! You might want to dig into your kids’ toy sets to find that miniature mixer (do they actually have miniature playset mixers? I’d like one) in order to whip up that carrot cake. If you don’t have a tiny mixer, grate your carrot over your contact case, carefully sprinkle some flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking soda, salt — and that tiny robin’s egg you stole from the nest outside (good work!) and mix away. You’ll have to get crafty to create a baking dish, but tin foil will work in a pinch. Bonus: You won’t have to wait long for your carrot cake to bake! Using some cream cheese specks you found from scraping the remains from your neighbor’s recycled cream cheese tub, whip up some frosting. Using a tiny whisk, add some sprinkles of powdered sugar and a few drops of vanilla extract to create the frosting of your dreams — you can even lick the whisk, don’t hold back.

This diet is all about changing the way you interact with food. It’s so easy to get into the mindless habit of slicing, dicing and chopping that we hardly pay attention to what food we’re actually eating. The Dollhouse Diet changes that. Because you’re forced to slow down and use things like tweezers, tiny knives and eyedroppers, you’ll get to appreciate what food you’re really putting into your mouth. People have become such mindless eaters these days, shoveling handfuls of chips and dip into their mouths, followed by an entire brownie. Some people even “eat their feelings,” which is a disgusting habit where sad people who hate themselves eat foods such as ice cream, chicken wings or In-N-Out burgers until they can no longer feel, or move. Others prefer to “drink their feelings,” which is where they consume massive amounts of alcohol in order to no longer feel, thus forgetting for a moment about their sad, pathetic lives and the fact that they’re probably fat.

Speaking of drinking your feelings, alcohol is allowed on this diet. But, you must drink your wine out of a tiny wine glass — and why would you miss an opportunity to use a tiny glass anyway? Using an eyedropper, measure out microscopic amounts of liquid into your miniature wine glass. Drink away! You’ll be able to drink Ned from the office under the table. Did you say six glasses of wine? Try 16,000!

Cost

The Dollhouse Diet will save you thousands of dollars! Everybody needs to save money these days, thanks to the economy — and the best way to save is by eating less. Because there is (sadly) no such thing as cows the size of a nickel, this diet means you don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on steak — only hundreds of pennies. If you feel silly asking your local meat guy for a dime-sized portion of that bison steak, do what I do: Go to your local fast food joint. Bring your tweezers and some vials to pick the tiny food specks out of the wrappers from people’s discarded hamburgers. If you’re eating food scraps from your neighbor’s recycling, or meat from your local fast-food joint, you’re obviously going to be able to use your portion of your paycheck on what really matters: Netflix.

If you want to save even more money — and have a hand in where your food comes from — you could grow your tiny vegetables yourself in a window box. If a window box isn’t available to you as an option (because you’re lazy), ask your local farmer’s market if they can spare some premature vegetables for you. They might even give them to you for free! If that doesn’t work, lots of fancy restaurants are using tiny vegetables as a garnish on their dishes, so just go into a restaurant and ask diners if you can take their garnishes. People always push the garnish aside anyway (I’m looking at you parsley), so the diners shouldn’t mind at all.

The Dollhouse Diet is cheap, healthy and will get you into your bikini in no time. Plus, you get to look at tiny vegetables all day. Really, what more could you ask for?

outstanding in the field crows pass farm

outstanding in the field

Last Friday, B and I were lucky enough to attend a farm-to-table dinner with the company Outstanding in the Field in Temecula, CA. Not only did we have an amazing dinner (cooked by Chef Billy and the awesome crew from The Ace in Palm Springs), but we got to go on a field tour of Crow’s Pass Farm, owned and operated by Dave and Tina (who are seriously SO nice). If you live near an Outstanding in the Field event, I highly recommend you go to one.

When B and I arrived at the farm, the only person we knew was Chef Billy — and for some reason we didn’t exactly connect the dots and forgot that Billy would be cooking. So we didn’t know anyone. We stood around for awhile, drinking wine and a lemonade spritzer, people watching and trying not to draw attention to ourselves. Which I totally nailed and didn’t spill a bunch of tomatoes from my appetizer on me, nope, not at all. Being me, I decided to make friends. I saw a woman that reminded me of my sister and seemed pretty cool, so I walked up to her and said, “Hi, you look like someone I’d like to talk to.” Luckily, Lisa was really cool and so was her husband Rick. We ended up talking for about a half hour before the field tour began.

outstanding in the field crows pass farm

As we walked past san marzano tomatoes, onions, apple and stone fruit trees, we arrived at the tables where we would eat, set up right in the middle of the orchard. We made our way to the end of the table, where there were enough seats that we could sit with our new friends. To my right, I was seated next to a guy in bright yellow pants that looked so much like Javier Bardem I asked B a few times if he was sure I wasn’t actually sitting next to Javier Bardem and maybe I should ask for his autograph (I wasn’t and I didn’t).

OK, the part that really matters: Food. Here’s the menu. For some stupid reason, I didn’t bring my camera, so I only have pictures of a few of these delicious dishes… sorry.

grilled fig & Temecula honey batard with Drake Farm goat cheese and Crows Pass Farm san marzano tomatoes

flash cured Skuna Bay salmon, California pistachio flatbread, shaved fennel, house chive kefir, petite sea grass

whipped honey butter outstanding in the field crows pass farm

Sadie Rose breads with whipped Temecula Valley honey butter

lamb tacos outstanding in the field crows pass farm

lamb “spit” tacos, roasted Tomaio Farms corn, sevilla date tortillas, salsa de tomate de nino served with Palumbo Family Vineyards “Tre Fratelli” Meritage

outstanding in the field white bass crows pass farm

line caught California white bass, kaniwa (red quinoa), grilled Crows Pass Farm squash, shaved radish, Jimenez Family Farm dandelion greens, sauce vierge served with 2011 Palumbo Family Vineyards Syrah

kobe NY strip steak, kale pesto (IT’S DELICIOUS), grilled Weiser Family Farms pee wee potatoes, smoked Crows Pass Farm san marzano sauce served with 2011 Palumbo Family Vineyards “Sophia’s Vineyard” Cabernet Sauvignon

peach s'more outstanding in the field crows pass farm

roasted Murray Family Farm peach s’mores, ginger graham cracker, vanilla marshmallow, honey-bourbon caramel sauce served with Refuge Brewery Mystourbon

Eating all this good food in such a beautiful setting while I got to talk to the seven amazing people seated at my table was priceless. The food was INCREDIBLE and the friends we made at our table gave us their business cards so we could keep in touch.

The experience was incredible and I had so much fun being near such fresh food. Plus, Dave and Tina have goats and chickens and doves (which they released for the first time at this event — and they found their way home!), so I was in heaven. Outstanding in the field is right.

outstanding in the field crows pass farm

Doing the dishes in this setting actually looks fun…

crows pass farm

bandt always overthinking it

(I wasn’t compensated in any way for this post, I just had so much fun and ate so much good food that I want everyone to go, that’s all).

tee shirt dress always overthinking it

the tee shirt dress is amazing

You probably wouldn’t be surprised to know it’s hard to eat healthy on the road. At least, not without access to a kitchen/fridge of some sort. While B and I typically snack for lunches for the sake of convenience and price, we usually end up eating breakfast and dinner at a restaurant. Basically what I’m saying is: There are times I’ve wished muumuus were back in style (if they were ever in style?) so I could continue eating In N Out milkshakes all day, every day. Enter the tee shirt dress.

When I first saw the tee shirt dress, my first thought was, “Yeah, I would look good in a potato sack if I lost 30 pounds.” Who looks good in these dresses? Models, that’s who. Unnnnless you cinch it. So when a friend of mine gave me her old tee shirt dress with a tie in the middle, I finally saw the light. You can give yourself just enough structure to not look like a linebacker and still hide that burrito baby you had at lunch.

women's shirt dresses always overthinking it

1. I realize this dress contradicts everything I just said up there about potato sackness, but it’s $18 and if you tie a cute ribbon around the waist, you’d be good to go. Get it here.

2. This $30 shirt dress has pockets. PLEASE PUT POCKETS IN MORE DRESSES, CLOTHING PEOPLE! Ahem. From here.

3. I love everything about this $20 dress and I want one in every color. Buy yours here.

4. I’m not typically a fan of patterns because I feel like I’m loud enough as it is, but I like this $16 one. Get one here.

5. This $40 dress looks comfortable and adorable, a fantastic combination. Plus, it counts as business casual right? Whatever, I want one. Buy one here.

6. This $45 dress kind of looks like a romper and a kimono all rolled into one and I think that’s fantastic. I want one. From here.

7. Yes, please, dress that’s on sale for $60. Just don’t wear it with a denim jacket. Or do. Yolo. On sale here.

8. I really want to buy six of these $98 dresses, but I’m pretty sure B would kill me. Or make me return them, fine. Get one (or six) here.

Happy Friday! Do you guys have any fun plans? B and I still haven’t figured out a place to stay for the weekend, so there’s that.

duck hunt

men who are bad photographers are de-evolving

My husband, B, has this technique for taking photos with his iPhone: He just holds the shutter down. Instead of waiting for people to fix their hair, smile and look at the camera at the same time, he’ll just hold the shutter down and get all of the photos — and then let the person scroll through the 65 photos he just took of them to find the right one. His technique sounds like a good idea, except I’m convinced he’s actually de-evolving. Men who can’t take good photos are actually de-evolving to cavemen. Let me explain.

Thousands of years ago, the invention of the bow and arrow changed everything. Men would hide in the bushes or trees and patiently wait for an animal to pass in front of the crosshairs, carefully aiming to take an animal down.

Think about the Nintendo game Duck Hunt: When you were little, you just randomly shot all over the screen, hoping to get lucky. Once you got better (hopefully), you started aiming and trying to shoot one duck with one bullet, right? So the fact that my husband is basically a six year old playing duck hunt when he takes photos of a friend and me kind of concerns me. If we’re ever going to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I need him to be a hunter — and he should be practicing by patiently waiting for the right photo and take, say, two. Not 65.

The worst part is that most of the good photographers are skinny vegetarians who wouldn’t know how to kill an animal anyway. So when we’re all starving and are sick of eating a duck that’s riddled with bullet holes a la my husband, I’d go find a good photographer. Thinking I could rely on them to carefully take aim and kill an animal with just a bullet or two, I’d be really disappointed when they couldn’t because of vegetarianism. “Oh, we can’t kill that rabbit, let’s just eat dirt instead.” And then I’d die from hunger.

Thank god for The Hunger Games. Maybe some tweens will start practicing their shooting skills and then I can team up with them for the Zombie Apocalypse. Plus, maybe they’ll actually be able to take a decent photo of me.